Sitting across the street from my youth orchestra in a McDonald’s this morning, it suddenly started to hit me how much we don’t talk about burnout, which is such a “heavy hitter,” in our field. How it’s that “dirty word,” for professional musicians, much like “practice,” when we’re younger and much like “depression,” for the rest of the world. We don’t talk about it because we’re just supposed to tough it out, but…what happens when we can’t anymore? What happens and what do we do when we feel that spark begin to die inside?
I’ve been quiet on here for several years because my time has been spent elsewhere. Playing, audition preparation, taking lessons, playing in small ensembles, moving, working, etc. Somehow writing about my experiences became less important as I became busier. The more the pressure of performing at a certain level increased, the less drive I had to pay attention to anything else, but the less I wanted to perform at that specific level anymore. Eventually, that came to a head when…I needed to get away for a little while.
This is not a unique experience to me, either. There are many musicians I know who struggle with this. Their spark has been dimmed or extinguished and they struggle to find joy in what they once loved. There are things we can do to help ourselves kindle that spark again. We can meditate. Work an extra job in a field we love and break away from our little music bubble. We can talk to our musician and non-musician friends on the phone and talk about our experiences, but in the end, everyone’s reaction to burn out is unique. How you cope and come back from something that feels like a crushing emotional and creative defeat is entirely unique.
For me, it’s been an ongoing process. Some days are better than others and different factors light my fire at different times. However, I’m lucky. I caught my burnout fairly early and knew where to ease off and what to change in my life to keep my spark from dying, but not everyone is in that position. I’m also lucky to have a support network that fuels me, even when I’m at my lowest. That’s what works for me, but that’s not what works for everyone. So, I wonder, and I encourage you to chime in: how do you deal with burnout? You don’t have to be a musician to give an opinion. Every career burns out in different ways, so how do you handle it? How do you find your drive when it seems like it will never come back?
Samantha J. Haake Flute 